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25. I'm a pediatric SLP. i call texas home. speechlovetx.blogspot.com

Fine Lines: Modesty

I am not always the most rational person.

I’ve been known to have catastrophic breakdowns over insignificant things that I interpreted as triggers, whether or not they were truly so. I’ve choked back tears in public places when my thoughts got the best of me, and I’ve gone to dark, dark places hiding in restroom stalls. So maybe I am not the best person to be writing on this topic or maybe I absolutely am. 

I would consider myself a feminist. I also consider myself to be a Christian. I do not believe these are conflicting ideologies in any sense, as God created women and I believe He gave us a host of amazing traits. One of those traits is what some would term, “dat ass.”

I’m being serious here. The topic of modesty has seen the subject of a plethora of blog posts recently due to trends such as yoga pants, which apparently to some, might as well be a sign that says, “LOOK AT MY BUTT.”

I am going to say that initially speaking/thinking on this topic I felt somewhat indignant. If I want to wear the darn yoga pants, I will. They’re comfortable, and I work hard in the gym to have a toned behind. In other words, don’t get your signals crossed- I’m wearing this me for me than for you, meaning the male population. 

However, I do have a fiance, and we’ve had many discussions on the topic of modesty and I am aware that tight fitting and other revealing clothing can be a stumbling block to males trying to keep their minds out of the gutter. I have to to say, though, I do believe there is a fine line, yet a line, between aesthetic appreciation and lust. I’ll have to run this by my fiance for a male prospective, but as far as I am aware, if you see a women in tight clothing and a porn reel featuring her and you starts rolling in your head, I’d say the problem is more about you than her. And to those who believe that immodesty leads to more accounts of rape, I would have to say that I believe that the majority of those who rape do so because cognitively something is not right. We’re talking psychotic narcissistic who act on lust in the most extreme way. And this is never a woman’s fault.

Anyways, back to the great yoga pants debate. I said I may not be the best person to write about this topic because I am feeling, what’s the word- I may be in a “heightened state of emotion” regarding a trip my fiance and I took to the gym today. And before anyone is quick to label me as “threatened”, “insecure”, or any other kind of negative title connotating a general lack of self esteem on my part, you can back your ish up and just let me tell my story.

I wore yoga capris to work out in. I wear what’s comfortable to the gym, and also what I believe is respectful to my fiance in terms of not inviting tons of male eyes to ass while I’m doing squats. Attention is nice, but to be honest, if it’s not my fiance, it’s just creepy. I don’t care how “good looking” the person is. That being said, I also wore a tank top that covered “dat ass”. And the front of my pants. To me I can justify this happy medium- I get to wear what I want but I’m also being respectful to my partner and helping uphold my own boundaries. This is why I believe it is not fair to isolate a whole group of clothing and immediately deem it improper for public view. There’s a fine line between wearing clothes in a fashion that is starkly inviting attention and wearing clothes that are fitted yet not in yo face. 

Anyways, I’ve always taken the “women’s” side in the discussion of what’s “appropriate” and “not appropriate”; in other words, wear what you like and while males should try to be respectful you are probably increasing your chances of receiving unwanted attention. But go you.

The majority of people that work out at our gym are males, but there are a couple kick-butt women in there that bust their behinds. There was one there today actually. Wearing the tightest silk blend booty shorts and tank top possible. And you know what, as someone who is a feminist and a Christian, in a committed relationship, I started to side with the guys on this one. It’s hard NOT to look, even as a female. My fiance, who is faithful in every way, hardly stands a chance with an barely-covered ass in his face while he’s trying to lift weights. And for the first time, I was mad. 

Feminism to me also means respecting and supporting other women. I somehow felt betrayed by this woman, rationally or not. I knew she didn’t give a shit about me, or my fiance, or anyone else in there. I knew she was just there to get a burn on and work hard, which I respect. And she had an amazing body. But to flaunt it in front of guys who probably have girlfriends and wives, who are already confronted by so much immodesty in the media and online- that’s just not cool, man. Faithfulness means not only not cheating on your partner but having eyes for them only. Turning away from something that makes you want to look at them in a way that should only be reserved for you partner.

And lady, my man doesn’t have to try hard. And it’s your right to wear what you want. But you could’ve helped a sister out on this one. You could have.